Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
