i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
