i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
