Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
