You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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