i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
