loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
