Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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