a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize