I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
