Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
