my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
