You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
