i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
