he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
