dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
