She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
