Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
it was like having sex with a tree stump
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize