so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
