Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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