We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
