Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
