I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
why is half of my head shaved?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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