It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
