I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
