wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
