he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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