One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
