I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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