CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
