as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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