She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
