his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You pole danced in your parka.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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