Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
either way he was missing a nipple.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
