Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
