His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
