considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
