Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
