your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
