you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
