Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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