Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize