those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
