I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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