apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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