I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
