New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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