I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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