thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
