Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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