Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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