butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
