my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
