There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She bit a glass in half.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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