I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
