sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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