That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
