no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
