The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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