okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
