please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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