Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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