I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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