Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
