Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
