walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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