Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
