Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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