I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
