so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
