I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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